So... I've been thinking about writing this post for weeks... So here goes...
Most of you know that my dad has been in the hospital for 4 weeks. 4 weeks in the ICU. 4 weeks of my mom working remotely from the hospital. 4 weeks of my little sister doing all of her homework in the hospital. 4 weeks of hospital visits from my other sister in college and me.
So about maybe 8 years ago, my dad started getting "sick"... this means that he started to not be himself. What some of you may not know is that he had his own growing small business then. He was the lead security guard at our church then. And he was a typical, okay he was a bit controlling lol, dad back then. His muscles had started to get weaker and weaker over the years.
Fast forward to 2011 when our family took a trip to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. Lots of tests were done. Summary= Multiple System's Atrophy. They described it to us as a form of Parkinson's where your muscles begin to degenerate. He was given 6-8 years to live.
Fast forward to January 2012. He's in Providence hospital with liver and kidney failure. And I'm driving back to KC from Manhattan EVERY weekend through May that year to be with my family. This was a rough enough time already, and it was VERY discouraging that my principal at the time was not understanding or supportive at all. Made for a terrible school year for me.
Some quick background... Something that most people don't know, is that my dad is actually my stepdad. And we haven't always gotten along. He was overly controlling and overbearing most of my life, and I felt like I had to fight to "earn" the type of love he gave to his actual daughters (my sissies). I felt like he was never proud of me. It took many years of prayer and asking for God to heal the "daddy void" in my life because I felt like my biological dad didn't care- since he lived maybe 30 minutes away my whole life but hadn't seen me since I was 4. And with my dad/stepdad that this whole post is about- there were lots of other factors with him being overly controlling.
Okay back to the hospital in January 2012. My dad is in the hospital bed- Providence hospital in KCK... and he asks me to come in. I ask my grandma to stay in the room with me, because all of it's really hard to deal with. And for the first time in my life- my dad starts crying really hard and tells me that he's proud of me. He says that I make really good decisions and that he is so proud of everything I've done and accomplished in my life. This was huge for me!
Dad gets well enough to go home and is in out of the hospital all of 2012... In May 2012, I put an offer on a house in KC. I move into my new house in KC in August 2012 and start a new job and again dad says he's proud of me!
I want to take a moment here to honor my mom and my sisters. For the last many years, they have selflessly taken care of my dad. And I mean, literally lifted him up day after day. Held him up day after day. Fed him day after day. Literally EVERYTHING. My family is AMAZING! Sometimes when people complain about certain things in life, I have to literally hold my tongue, because they have NO IDEA what it's like to go through some of these things my family has been dealing with for years. I am grateful for my sisters and especially my mom because even when I was away in college, they did everything. And for those of you who think you know my mom- you have literally no idea how strong she really is. She. Is. Amazing. She's the strongest person I have ever met in my entire life.
I'm incredibly thankful to God for setting up the transition for me to be able to move back to KC and be close to my family.
Fast forward to the end of September 2014. My mom calls me and tells me that she doesn't think dad's going to make it through the end of October. I'm pretty calm on the phone. But then I went up to my room and cried for a while. I texted my mom back, and told her that I was scared and I didn't want him to die.
A few days later, our family convinced dad that he needed to go to the hospital. He had been in a pretty bad state for weeks. Not eating. Not moving. Not talking. Literally only his eyes would move. It was so sad.
My sped director at work, saw me cry for the first time ever this school year. And I really didn't mean to. I really tried not to actually. I tried REALLY REALLY hard not to, to be honest. But she could tell something was wrong... She told me that I need to talk to someone about all of this and that it would really help... Many people don't know this, but I spend day after day fighting/advocating/teaching little guys with Autism... I spend countless hours above and beyond my teacher responsibilities working to help them experience and understand as much of this world as they possibly can.... and seriously I LOVE those little boys with all my heart!!!! But... honestly- I'm so incredibly drained by the end of every single day that I don't have time to talk about what's really going on in my personal life... I didn't even tell my paras that my dad was in the ICU until my director told me I needed to let them know. So... anyway.... this is me "talking about it".....
And now... 4 weeks later.... yesterday dad was finally moved out of the ICU!!!!!!!!!! He's still in a high needs hospital room- they said it's the next step down from ICU, but hey, we'll take it.
Anyway- thanks for your prayers. We appreciate them more than you know... And one more thing, I'm a bit guilty of not going to hospital as much as I should. I know that. Just pray for me. It's not easy to sit there and do nothing. I'm a "go-getter" personality... sitting in the hospital room and dad not being able to say much to me, kinda sucks!
Well... thanks for reading. If you would do me a favor please when you see me, let's talk about fun things. Positive things. It's okay to ask me how dad is doing- but I really need some normal, fun things to talk about. Like those awesome Royals! Like how my little guys all participated in the school fun run on Friday and LOVED it! Like how my Amazing momma got honored at church last week! Like how awesome my boyfriend is... he totally makes me smile everyday! Like how it's fall and all the stores are selling caramel apples for a few more weeks- I LOVE caramel apples! Like how my baby sis's volleyball team had an AMAZING season! Like how my sissy in college has an A in her hardest class right now and is working super hard to try to get a 4.0 this semester! Those kinds of things :-)
Feel free to share some of the amazing things God is doing in your life below in the comments :-)
